Lingerie Photo Shoot: Part 1

I almost canceled this photoshoot so many times. I almost chickened out and asked the photographer to just toss out all the photos before I’d even seen them.

What would be the point of humiliating myself any further?

I need to stop listening to my Brain Monster: she’s such an asshole.

It’s not like my body has gone through any significant changes in the last ten years.

My body, especially my boobs, have always had some shame attached to them because:

1.       I grew up in a traditional Catholic household.

2.       I had boobs and an adult body long before my peers did. I was in a training bra in the second grade. The boys in my fourth grade class called me “Eve-zilla” because I was bigger than literally everyone. It was a super fun time.

I tried to hide my body for most of my life, which isn’t a simple task when you have 38DD’s strapped to your chest.





I talked to my therapist about my body issues in 2020, and how “as soon as I lose the weight I could do a number of things. I was waiting for this hypothetical future that was the key to everything.

Her response to that idea was “Well, what can this body do right now?”

MIND BLOWN.

Such a simple concept, but it really got me thinking and slowly started breaking down this idea that I should hide until I was skinny.

Because of the pandemic, I wore very little clothes in 2020. I was inside, working from home. Clothes and shoes were not needed.  

As a result, I saw my body more. I got to really look at myself in the mirror and you know what I discovered?

I’m hot.

I am.

It’s a simple fact.

I am a conventionally attractive woman.

Mostly.

I am a conventionally attractive PLUS SIZE Woman.

Right?

Honestly, I’m not sure anymore because I have just as hard a time finding clothes at plus size stores as I do at regular stores.

I am an XL in straight sizes: usually there are 1 or 2 available in every style. They’re slim pickings.

In plus size stores I am small or extra small, also slim pickings.

Add the fact that I have a fear of commitment to clothing, and I’m left with a very small closet.

Shopping with me is a nightmare.

Anyways, I was almost 30 years old when I realized I’m a hot person, regardless of my size.

This year I impulsively set up a lingerie shoot with Evie Lynn before I could think twice because I knew if I really thought it out, I would back out and run.

It was super weird being half naked, and almost fully naked in front of a small room of people, yet it was entirely casual?  

I started the day overthinking and freaking, out like I do before basically everything. Fortunately, I had my sister with me to talk me down and even figuratively smack me a few times to snap me out of spiraling in my own head.  

We showed up at Zenna Hodge’s house, who had done hair and makeup for me on a few occasions. Zenna and I went to college together and only learned after we graduated that we’re both basically blind in our left eyes. Two working eyeballs between the two of us.

We talked about life and cats as she did my hair and makeup. My sister, who is not an animal person, had one of Zenna’s cat’s crawl into her lap and I was surprised that she was okay with it. According to Zenna, Indio, the cat she found at a gas station, can make anyone a cat person.   

Mission accomplished, Indio.

Hair and makeup ready, we left for Evie’s place.

It is truly impressive what Evie can do with her small apartment. She can make one room like eight different locations.

I tend to panic, so I brought way too many options and was expecting to cut several and pick the best ones.

Nope. Omg.

We shot for five hours. FIVE HOURS. Evie is a goddamn trooper. I expected her to cut me off after hour three, but nope, she was determined to get through every look!

Things I didn’t know about lingerie photography:

1.       You have to bend into the weirdest positions to get the shot. It doesn’t feel normal. Some of it was straight up painful, but it looks amazing! Evie was a fantastic coach throughout the whole thing, getting on the floor with me to show me what to do. We were both so sore by the end of it. 

2.       Looking sexy is a sweaty, sweaty, time. I did not smell cute afterwards.

3.       I know what to do with my face, but have no notion of what to do with my body.

4.       Don’t use pasties to keep your boobs up. It looks weird. Just get rid of them. Your boobies will boob on their own.

5.       Underwear looks great when it’s shoved up your butt. I don’t make the rules.

6.       Trust your photographer. They know what they’re doing.

This first look that we shot was what I called the “Calvin Klein underwear ad” look. I absolutely love the results! I wanted something light, fluffy, and commercial and we accomplished it!

I think this photo shoot was one of the best decisions I ever made. Not only do I have great photos for my portfolio, but I also have a new appreciation for what it takes to model, and truth be told, I have a lot to learn. 

Stay tuned for more photos from this amazing experience!

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Welcome to the Chaos